Yahiko and the Wolf
by Southpaw
Summary: Wait, Kenshin's not the title character! Crossover between RK and Peter and the Wolf. Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sano, Saitou, Megumi, Aoshi. Read and enjoy! Sorry... no music :


Yahiko and the Wolf  
  
[Disclaimer: the characters from Rurouni Kenshin don't belong to me, nor do the characters, music, or story of Peter and the Wolf. I'm just borrowing them for a short time, as a means of entertainment.]  
  
[I was on the way home from work one day, listening to a tape recording of Peter and the Wolf, narrated by Itzhak Perelman (yes, I still listen to tapes, I drive my dad's car, which doesn't have a CD player). I thought, as I drove, that it might be funny to put the Kenshingumi into the story, and see how they would react..it's just a little indulgence on my part, and I'm sorry if it gets too corny. I kind of tried to formulate it to parallel Perelman's recitation. I may have tweaked the storyline, as well as the characters' personalities a little bit to make it work better (most of the animals don't match up, but the characteristics of the animals match the characters of the Kenshingumi), so bear with me, they're gonna be a little OOC. Also, I wish there was a way to include the music, because it's just not the same otherwise, but you'll just have to imagine hearing the orchestra.]  
  
[PS. Although this is an alternate story (normal universe, but would never really happen), there are a couple things that you may not understand if you haven't seen the Kyoto Arc.]  
  
[brackets] - conversations not directly relating to the story  
  
(parentheses) - insert music here  
  
This is the story of Yahiko and the Wolf. In our story, the characters will be represented by instruments in the symphony orchestra. For instance, Kenshin will be played by the flute (play the bird's theme). Sanosuke will be played by the oboe (play the duck's theme). Megumi will be played by the clarinet (play the cat's theme). Kaoru will be played by the bassoon (play the grandfather's theme). Saitou will be played by three horns (play the wolf's theme). Aoshi will be played by the kettle drum and the bass drum (play the gunshots). And Yahiko will be played by the entire string section of the orchestra (play Peter's theme). So, our story begins.  
  
[Kenshin: hey, why don't I get to be Peter? I'm the title character of Rurouni Kenshin, after all. Sessha should be allowed to be the title character every time, de gozaru. {and, where'd you hide my sakabatou???}  
  
Southpaw: {Oy, already they're interrupting.} I thought about it, and it just didn't work out, alright? Trust me, you'll understand what I'm getting at once we get through the story. (and, you'll get your sakabatou back at the end P )  
  
Kenshin: I hope you're right..  
  
Yahiko: I just think it's hilarious that ugly gets the part of the grand- *father*  
  
Kaoru proceeds to hit Yahiko over the head with her bokken.  
  
Southpaw: Can you all just please cut that out, and let me get on with the story?!?!? Anyway...]  
  
Southpaw [also known as narrator]: One morning, Yahiko decided he was going to practice his techniques outside in the courtyard of the Kamiya dojo, instead of being cooped up in the main dojo hall. (strings theme)  
  
Southpaw: Kenshin was sitting at the washtub, cleaning dirt out of the white laundry, just like every morning.  
  
Kenshin: Ohayo, Yahiko. All is quiet, de gozaru. (flute theme)  
  
Southpaw: All was quiet. The sun was shining, without a cloud in the sky. It was practically a perfect Tokyo morning. Kenshin and Yahiko turned their heads toward the dojo gate, when they noticed Sanosuke wander in. He was glad the gate was unlocked, and proceeded to lounge around on the porch, not really doing much of anything, as he was wont to do. (oboe theme)  
  
Southpaw: Kenshin paused in his chores to walk over to the porch, and wished Sano a good morning.  
  
Kenshin: You know, Sano, sessha would bet that Kaoru-dono would really appreciate a little help with the constant cleaning that goes on around the dojo, de gozaru.  
  
Sano: I think you handle that department well enough for both of us. [Like Kenshin could really get me to pull my weight.]  
  
Kenshin: I'm just saying it couldn't hurt..  
  
Sano: And I'm just saying.. (combination flute and oboe themes)  
  
Southpaw: Kenshin and Sano continued in their little squabble, so only Yahiko noticed it when Megumi snuck in through the dojo gate. (clarinet theme)  
  
Megumi: Hmmmm. Ken-san and the rooster-head are arguing. this is my chance to lay a wet one on my red-headed rurouni.  
  
Southpaw: The lady doctor crept up behind Kenshin, and was about to wrap her arms around his shoulders, when..  
  
Yahiko: Watch out!!!!! (faster-paced, ending with slow trills of the flute)  
  
Kenshin: Oroooo!  
  
Southpaw: Seeing Megumi so close to him, and hearing Yahiko's warning, Kenshin leapt up onto a bottom branch of the tree which stood right next to the washtub. In the mean time, Sano was desperately throwing insults at Megumi. from the porch, of course.  
(oboe theme)  
  
Southpaw: Megumi started wandering around the ground under the tree.  
  
Megumi: Hmmm. Ken-san's up in the tree, with nowhere to go. Unfortunately, I know as well as anyone else that that's not entirely true. If I tried to climb up there, the little acrobat would be gone long before I reached his branch. (clarinet theme)  
  
[Kenshin: Southpaw-dono, why was sessha not allowed to notice Megumi-dono coming, de gozaru? We all know my abilities are greater than that.  
  
Southpaw: {sigh.} If that was the way the story went, maybe I could have allowed it to happen. Hey, Kenshin, haven't you ever heard this story before? I thought most people were at least a little familiar with the plotline. {and it's a little weird that *you're* the one doing most of the complaining}  
  
Yahiko: Yeah, Kenshin. even *I've* heard of "Peter and the Wolf"!  
  
Kenshin: Well, sessha hasn't, de gozaru. Maybe I would have, if I'd been born later.  
  
Kaoru [standing off to the side]: And when do I come in to the story huh? I'm the intelligent and beautiful assistant master of the Kamiya Kashin Ryuu, so I should already be in the story, not the fox [throwing sparks in Megumi's general direction].  
  
Yahiko: Hey, ugly, you should open a book sometime. your part is coming up very soon, ya know.  
  
Southpaw: Yeah, so quit interrupting, and we'll get over with this sooner! {Geez, these guys and their egos.} Where was I? Oh, yeah.]  
  
Southpaw: Just then, Kaoru came storming out of the dojo, into the courtyard.  
  
[Yahiko: See, I told you!  
  
Kaoru proceeded to hit him over the head with the bokken.]  
  
Kaoru [ : I was going to do that anyway]: What are you doing out here, Yahiko-chan? You know very well that we're practicing together this morning! What if Saitou should decide to 'grace' us with his presence, then what would you do? (bassoon theme)  
  
Yahiko: Hey, ugly, I can take care of myself. I'm the son of Tokyo samurai. AND STOP CALLING ME 'CHAN'! (proud version of strings theme)  
  
Southpaw: Kaoru grabbed one of the spiky-haired kid's ears, and dragged him back inside the dojo proper. (bassoon theme)  
  
Southpaw: As soon as the assistant master and apprentice of the Kamiya Kashin Ryuu had gone inside, Kenshin's eyes narrowed as Saitou did in fact walk casually into the courtyard, looking very wolf-like, indeed. [tail and all, lol!] (horns theme)  
  
[Saitou: Why do I have to wear this ridiculous wolf's costume? It goes against everything I stand for!  
  
Southpaw: Just stuff it! {I'm starting to run low on patience here!!!} You're Mibu's Wolf, and in being the wolf, I thought in this case that it would help the story along for you to dress the part. besides, it *is* only the tail.  
  
Saitou: Well, I don't give a **** what you think, so as soon as the story's over, I'm gonna Aku Soku Zan you into oblivion.  
  
Southpaw: Tsk. such language.You can't do anything to me, anyway. *I'm* the author.  
  
Saitou: We'll see about that (grinning his evil wolf's grin).]  
  
Southpaw: Seeing Saitou walk in was enough to excite Megumi into leaping up into the tree (the same one Kenshin jumped into not too long ago), while Sano had someone new to throw insults at. He jumped off the porch in his excitement, forgetting that he had no feasible way to defend himself (not knowing of the Futae no Kiwami yet).  
(oboe theme)  
  
Southpaw: Saitou recognized this as his chance, and immediately thrust his sword gatotsu-style into Sano's chest. (horn theme, fading into sad, slower oboe theme)  
  
Kenshin, Yahiko, Megumi, and Kaoru: (with looks of horror on their faces) Sano!!!!  
  
[Kenshin: I could have stopped Saitou.why'd he have to kill my best friend?  
  
Southpaw: Quit it with all the interruptions! You'll have your chance, Kenshin, just hang on. Besides, I know something you don't about that last battle. ; )  
  
Megumi: Well, the sooner we help the idiot, I suppose, the better.  
  
Sano: (thinking) Good thing we planned this out beforehand, or he coulda killed me. heh, heh, ketchup packets.  
  
Saitou: (also thinking) It's really too bad Southpaw-san made me bring a fake sword. I would have really liked to finally take care of that annoying rooster-head.  
  
Southpaw: (only to Saitou and Sano) You know, guys, I am the author, so I know everything everyone says, does, and thinks.  
  
Sano grins, while Saitou just stands there, expressionless.]  
  
Southpaw: So, this is how things stood.Megumi was sitting on one branch of the tree.  
(clarinet theme)  
  
Southpaw: Kenshin was sitting on another branch. (flute theme)  
  
Southpaw: .not too close to Megumi. (clarinet theme)  
  
Southpaw: Yahiko and Kaoru were watching from inside the dojo, when the young apprentice got an idea. He ran inside, and grabbed a length of rope.  
(strings theme)  
  
Yahiko: Heh, it's a good thing that one branch of the tree stretches so close to the roof of the dojo, it'll be easier for me to reach Kenshin that way.  
  
Southpaw: Before Kaoru could stop him, Yahiko had climbed up onto the roof, carefully made his way onto the branch, and perched himself next to Kenshin.  
  
Yahiko: Hey, Kenshin, you know what you should do? You should fly down there and tease Saitou a little bit, just make sure he doesn't catch you!  
  
(strings theme played by the flute)  
  
[Kenshin: FLY?!?!?! Last time sessha checked, I couldn't fly, de gozaru.  
  
Southpaw: You're the bird, Kenshin, just do your best. use your pair of fake wings {all of a sudden, wings appear on Kenshin's arms}, or at least jump around as if you were flying...  
  
Kenshin: Ororooooo. This is getting to be too much for me, de gozaru.  
  
Southpaw: It's only a little while longer, so be patient. We're almost at the end.]  
  
Saitou: Why don't you come down here and fight me like a real man, you poor excuse for a hitokiri [while he tried to stab Kenshin, gatotsu-style, with his katana]!  
(frustrated version of horns theme)  
  
[Kenshin: Give me a break, Saitou! I don't even have my sakabatou!  
  
Saitou: Yeah, I noticed. Oh, well, all the easier for me.]  
  
Southpaw: While Kenshin was distracting Saitou, Yahiko tied the rope into a loop, and slowly lowering it down, caught Saitou's tail and pulled on it hard, limiting the wolf's range of motion.  
  
[Sano: (thinking, one eye part-way open) This is really amusing, watching Saitou run around all frustrated like that.  
  
Kenshin: (also thinking, with a big grin, and massive sweat-drop) I guess I really would do anything to get Saitou to leave us alone.]  
  
Southpaw: Just then, a very perturbed Aoshi came running in, his two kodachis ready to strike at any moment.  
  
Aoshi: You know, Kenshin, it's not very nice for you to keep causing trouble like this. The whole town's talking about some fight going on over here, so I, as the okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, came to restore the peace.  
(drums)  
  
Yahiko: No!!! It's alright, Aoshi! Kenshin and I caught him!  
  
Kenshin: Yahiko's right. There's no need to hurt him. As you can see, sessha doesn't even have his sword, de gozaru.  
  
Yahiko: Yeah! So, let's take him home.  
  
[Aoshi: Some policeman *you* turned out to be.  
  
Saitou: Hey, this could be long over, if I could only finish the Battousai off the way I meant to. It's not my fault he's got his little group to rely on now. And anyway, who said I was a policeman? This is only a temporary position, you know!]  
  
Southpaw: There followed a grand procession, which led all the way from the Kamiya dojo to the Saitou's home, where Tokio was waiting impatiently (don't ask how they knew the way.it was probably due to help from Aoshi). Leading the group was Yahiko.  
(proud version of strings theme) He was followed by Aoshi, leading a reluctant Saitou.  
(combination drums and horns themes) After them walked Kaoru and Megumi.  
  
Kaoru: Well, if they weren't able to catch Saitou, what then???  
(combination bassoon and clarinet themes)  
  
Southpaw: Last, but certainly not least, came Kenshin, his face plastered with his trademark grin, and hand behind his head.  
  
Kenshin: My, what brave fellows we are, de gozaru. look who we caught! {that has got to be one of the silliest lines sessha has ever been given, of course we caught him! How else could it have gone???}  
  
[Southpaw: That ends Peter and the Wolf, however, I would like to keep going a little farther!  
  
Saitou: Can't you spare me!  
  
Southpaw: Nope! So, hold on, it's gonna be a rough ride for Saitou the rest of the way.  
  
Kenshin: Does that mean I can have my sakabatou back?  
  
Southpaw: I guess. (Kenshin hugs his sheathed sword in a loving gesture) But you're still not allowed to draw it.  
  
Kenshin: Sessha wouldn't think of such a thing. You of all people should know better, de gozaru.]  
  
Southpaw: As the procession approached the house, a very relieved Tokio emerged to meet her husband.  
  
Tokio: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!?!? You said we'd go shopping today for some of those items of which we are in desperate need, and then you go off to fight after patrolling the city all night? Yuck! And you smell awful. Go take a bath while I give our guests some refreshments, and then we'll discuss your punishment.  
  
Saitou: (grumbling) She treats me like a child sometimes. I was only doing what was in my own best interests. I had no way of knowing what exactly would transpire!  
  
Tokio: I HEARD THAT! (To the Kenshingumi [minus Sano, of course]) Thank you for bringing him back. He doesn't take good enough care of himself. .Up all night, and all day. One of these days he's gonna collapse from exhaustion. Well, you may as well come inside and have something to eat. Hajime usually takes a while.  
  
Kaoru: Arigato. We'd appreciate it very much, and anyway, bring him back was no trouble at all!  
  
Kenshin: (to Kaoru) Tokio-dono has got to be the only person Saitou would ever be afraid of, de gozaru.  
  
Yahiko: Yeah! Kinda like you and Kaoru! (Kaoru hits Yahiko over the head)  
  
Megumi: Well, as much as I'd like to join you, I think it would be best for me to return to the dojo to check on that idiot rooster-head.  
  
Aoshi: I'll accompany you, since I'm not really up for this right now, either.to make sure you return safely, of course.  
  
Kenshin: I guess we'll see you later, then, Megumi-dono! Take good care of Sano for us. We'll be back in a little while, de gozaru. And thank you for your help, Aoshi.  
  
Saitou: (returning from his bath) Mou! You take so long deliberating, that I've already finished my bath.  
  
Tokio: Then maybe you'd like to join us for tea, Hajime?  
  
Saitou: (preparing to protest) They have no busi. it looks like I have no choice. W.el.come to my home, Battousai.  
  
Kenshin: Oro? Um. Arigatou.  
  
A/N Well, that's the story (and I'm sticking to it [wait, that's not my line!]). I hope you liked it! I'm very sorry for how the Kenshingumi acted throughout the presentation. It was inappropriate, and they should have known better. However, them being who they are, I must take full responsibility.  
  
Anyway, I tried my best.this is my first fanfic after all. I think it's pretty good, but if there's anything you think could make it better, I'll see what I can do! (sorry, I still don't think I'm gonna be able to upload the music.)  
  
For those of you not so fluent in Japanese (not saying that I am, but I know these few terms), here's a short glossary for you:  
  
Sessha....de gozaru - part of Kenshin's speech pattern. No one else speaks like that anymore, even at that point in the Meiji period. Sessha is loosely translated as "this one"  
  
Sakabatou - Kenshin's reverse-blade sword.  
  
Bokken - Kaoru's wooden sword.  
  
Ohayo - good morning  
  
Aku, Soku, Zan - Shinsengumi's motto "Kill Evil Instantly"  
  
Futae no Kiwami - fighting technique Sano picks up on his journey to join Kenshin in Kyoto  
  
Gatotsu - Saitou's tried and true technique where he holds the sword parallel to the ground, in his left hand, with his right hand on the tip, and uses a thrusting motion to stab his opponent.  
  
Oro (with as many o's and r's as are necessary to add onto the end) - when Kenshin has nothing else to say, this is what he says, usually in an expression of surprise, or being startled  
  
Katana - a Japanese full-length sword  
  
Kodachi - shorter sword, which only Aoshi is shown to use. Because of its size, it's best used as an implement of defense  
  
Okashira - loosely translated as leader, particularly of the Oniwaban group  
  
So, I guess that's really it, now. Hopefully I'll get up the guts to try another one, maybe even with my own plotline, instead of a borrowed one. Stay tuned! 


End file.
